Sunday, May 11, 2008

Growing Older

Today I went to Indy and visited for about an hour with a woman who was my first real girlfriend. In the seventeen years since I have seen her she has lived in Oregon, Arizona, Chile, and now she teaches at a University in St. Louis. Although time has drawn some thin lines in her face, she looks very much as I last saw her when she was not quite out of college. She is still very beautiful!

Speaking with her for that short time was quite a mix of sad and sweet. I loved (love) her dearly.

But I confess that while I was with her I was especially aware of the fact that I have gained weight and aged since I saw her last. I was very aware that I have aged, that my skin is beginning to show its age. As much as this does not seem to me like the sort of thing that I would ever think about, I did think about it. And it pained me that she should see me so much older. Even to me it seems foolish, and yet I almost wish that she had never seen me again rather than that she should have seen me so much older than when we were in love. But yet I also wish that I had it all to do over again. It would be sweet to have been able to grow older with her, not apart. And not to meet after so many years to see and feel the shock of age, but to slowly go through that process together.

So, it has been a very sweet, very sad, very introspective day.


Vincent said...

A very evocative piece!

Doug P. Baker said...

Thank you, Vincent!